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Criticism is the analysis or judgment of the merits and faults of an individual’s performance. It is one of the most crucial aspects that help you progress in life. It helps to improve your performance, learn from your mistakes, align expectations and solve problems. However, people find it very difficult to absorb it transparently.
Picture this, after a busy day at work, you sit down all night to finish your project, and the next morning your client says, "This is really impressive, BUT...", and there is the catch. Everything had gone well until the ‘but’, after which many people find it difficult to take in the rest of the statement. Some people react by making excuses, others may become defensive; some may take it personally, and some may begin to doubt their abilities.
"There is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, Say nothing, and Be nothing." – Aristotle
Dealing with Criticism
Looking at the positive side, what if we lift off the heaviness of the word ‘criticism’ and just think of it as feedback? Does it seem more acceptable? Most companies try to address these issues by training their leaders on how to provide constructive feedback. But improving the skills of the feedback giver wouldn’t accomplish much if the person receiving it isn’t receiving it as expected. It is the receiver who is in charge of whether or not to let in the feedback, how to interpret it, and decide to act upon it. Sometimes your problem isn’t with the feedback at all, but with the person giving you the feedback. If you dislike your boss, you are not going to like anything he says to you, even if you know it’s true! But there’s good news! The ability to receive feedback is a learnable skill. The most important aspect of it is to manage the emotions that get triggered when the feedback is on the table. This is possible when you take a moment to reflect on yourself. How am I feeling at the moment? Can I put my emotions aside and look at the situation? Introspecting yourself is important. Do you ever ponder upon a statement that you made or a situation you are in?
The most common mistake people make while questioning themselves is asking the question ‘why’. When you analyse a situation based on ‘why it happened that way', it only calls for more justification and explanation. We tend to invent answers that feel true but are often wrong. When you analyse the same situation based on ‘what’ happened, "what made me feel that way" and "what am I going to do about it", you start looking for solutions.
Turning Opportunity into Growth
Accepting criticism is the best way we can strive to be better. Let’s understand with an example. Imagine you are the manager at a company and your junior comes forward to criticise your work and your leadership qualities. How would you take in the criticism and how would you react?
What you want to say: “Thank you, but as the manager, I think I know how to handle my team and what is best for them. You are still a junior, you wouldn’t understand all of these. It would be better if you mind your own business and submit that project file on my table by tomorrow morning.”
What you should do instead - Here are a few tips for you:
1. Recognize Yourself:
Be aware of yourself and your state of mind before reacting to a Criticism. Do not let your emotions overshadow the truth.
2. Separate the message from the messenger:
Always remember to look at the message transparently. Do not dismiss a criticism because of your impression of the critique.
3. Ask for feedback
Volunteer and ask for feedback whenever you get the chance. This increases your confidence and acceptance of the message.
4. Make self-improvement a personal commitment:
Remind yourself that it will make you a better person tomorrow.
Say this: “Thank you for letting me know your thoughts. I didn’t realize how this was affecting our team. I will definitely try to work on it and during the process, please bear with me and help me out for the betterment of our team and myself.”
"Value those who give you constructive criticism, because without them doing so, you will never reach the peak of what you are doing." Unarine Ramaru
No matter what you do, the critics are always at work. Try to recollect any of the smallest of scenarios when you dismissed feedback or criticism.
If you had a time machine to go back to that day, how would you handle it differently?